Managing Intense Emotions

What This Skill Teaches

Intense emotions are normal and temporary. Even when they feel enormous, they will pass.

Kids can learn strategies to ground themselves when a feeling gets intense.

The goal isn’t to make the feeling disappear. It’s to stay present and ride it out so they can choose what to do next — rather than acting on their first impulse.

Try This at Home

1. 1

   Validate the feeling before problem-solving. When your child is overwhelmed, listen and reflect the feeling back before trying to fix anything: “I can see you’re really upset.”

2. 2

   Build a self-soothe kit together. A small bag with one item per sense: something soft, something to smell, a stress ball to hold, a sour candy, a photo they love.

3. 3

   Create a calm-down spot, like a small corner at home with a few comforting items they can go to when they need to ride out a big feeling.

4. 4

   Remind them that big feelings pass: “This feeling will get smaller. It always does.”

5. 5

   Praise them when they use a strategy to regulate a big emotion.

What This Skill Teaches

Intense emotions can come with powerful urges — to lash out, to withdraw, to make impulsive decisions. The feelings themselves aren’t the problem. Acting on an urge before the intensity passes can be.

Using the five senses is one way to bring attention back to the present moment and ride out an intense emotion.

Regular practice — especially when kids are calm — can make grounding exercises more familiar to kids when emotions spike.

Try This at Home

1. 1

   Give kids space. Don’t rush to fix a problem or offer advice when they’re overwhelmed. Instead try saying, “That sounds overwhelming. Do you need a few minutes?”

2. 2

   Validate their feelings: “That makes sense that you’re angry.” Remember, this is not the same as agreeing with whatever they choose to do next.

3. 3

   Suggest they focus on their senses when they need to find calm. They can use it anywhere — in class, before a test, in the middle of a difficult conversation — without anyone knowing.

4. 4

   Help them build their own self-soothe kit. At this age it might include a specific music playlist or a good-smelling perfume.

5. 5

   Model riding out your own big feelings. When you’re upset, try saying, “I’m really frustrated right now. I’m going to take a few minutes before I respond.”

What This Skill Teaches

Managing intense emotions is not about eliminating them — it’s about creating space between the feeling and the response.

Grounding exercises that focus on the five senses work by shifting attention to the present moment. Healthy distractions like taking a walk, calling a friend, or journaling are also effective.

Healthy self-soothing is important. Teens can learn what calms them down and make their own self-soothing kit with whatever feels right — a music playlist, a stress ball, scented lotion.

Try This at Home

1. 1

   Respect teens’ autonomy. Ask what they need rather than assuming you can help: “Is there something I can do, or do you just need some space?”

2. 2

   Avoid escalating during their intense moments. Your calm is the most useful thing you can offer. A gentle voice and relaxed body can help them regulate their own emotions.

3. 3

   Share your own strategies and be honest: “When I’m really angry, I go for a walk before I say anything. Sometimes, it takes about 20 minutes for me to calm down.”

4. 4

   Save any conversations about the situation for after intense emotions have passed and a teen can think clearly enough to process it.

5. 5

   Acknowledge their feelings without endorsing the impulsive urge. “I understand why you’re furious. Why don’t you wait before deciding what to do next.”