When kids don’t do what they are asked to do, they pose one of the most common challenges for parents: how to respond effectively. First, you need to understand what’s going on. Are they being defiant or are they just distracted? Are they testing limits? Given that most kids want to get along with the adults in their lives, is there some reason, emotionally, that they can’t comply?

This week on childmind.org, we explore reasons why children fail to follow instructions, and how parents can work with them to get cooperation. Some kids — especially those on the autism spectrum — have what experts call pathological demand avoidance or PDA. Being told to do something can make them anxious and resistant, even if it’s something they are comfortable doing when it’s their own idea. Transitions are also an issue for a lot of kids who find it distressing to have to stop one activity, particularly something they like to do, and start another. Finally, we look at signs that a child’s pushback has developed into a behavior disorder — oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). And, of course, in each of these situations we explore ways to help parents and kids get on the same team.

– Caroline Miller, Editorial Director | ✉