Relaxation Skills

What This Skill Teaches

Stress and anxiety can trigger a child’s fight, flight, or freeze response — a physical reaction that makes it hard for them to think clearly.

Paced belly breathing disrupts this response because it rebalances oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body, sending a signal to the mind to calm down.

It’s best to introduce and practice relaxation skills when kids are already calm. That way they know what to do when they start to feel stress in their bodies.

Try This at Home

1. 1

   Make breathing exercises a game. Use a pinwheel, a feather, or bubbles — anything that can be moved with a slow, steady breath. Inhale for four counts, exhale for five.

2. 2

   Practice breathing exercises before bed, after school, or in the car. If skills feel routine, kids will be more comfortable using them.

3. 3

   Do breathing exercises together — it’s more effective and feels less clinical when it’s a shared activity.

4. 4

   Post the steps of an exercise somewhere visible. A simple reminder in the kitchen or bedroom means kids can use it independently.

5. 5

   Name the skill when you use it yourself. “I’m feeling stressed — I’m going to take a few slow breaths.” This helps normalize it.

What This Skill Teaches

Middle schoolers may experience the fight, flight, or freeze response in high-stakes social and academic situations, not just when they’re in danger.

Paced belly breathing balances out the carbon dioxide and oxygen in kids’ bodies, cutting off their fight, flight, or freeze response.

Providing more information about why paced belly breathing helps may increase kids’ willingness to try it.

Try This at Home

1. 1

   Offer an invitation, not an assignment. “I’ve been trying this before bed — want to try it with me?” works better than “You should practice your breathing.”

2. 2

   Frame it as a performance tool. Athletes, performers, and surgeons use controlled breathing because research shows that it helps you keep calm under pressure.

3. 3

   Practice breathing exercises together before high-stakes moments like a game, a test, or a difficult conversation.

4. 4

   Model using breathing exercises yourself when you’re stressed. It sends a stronger message than any instruction.

5. 5

   Notice when your middle schooler uses paced belly breathing on their own and provide positive feedback for their efforts.

What This Skill Teaches

The fight, flight, or freeze response is automatic — we can’t control it, but we can mitigate or cut it off when we start to feel it.

Paced belly breathing rebalances oxygen and carbon dioxide in the bloodstream, calming the nervous system and counteracting the fight, flight, or freeze response.

The goal isn’t to eliminate stress entirely — it’s to have a reliable tool that reduces its intensity so teens can think and act more deliberately.

Try This at Home

1. 1

   Introduce breathing exercises as tools, but don’t force it. “I’ve been using paced belly breathing before difficult things, and it actually works.”

2. 2

   Suggest teens use it before high-stakes moments like a test, a college interview, or a difficult conversation.

3. 3

   Use it yourself. It helps teens to see a parent or trusted adult use a coping tool when they’re stressed or upset.

4. 4

   Mention that it’s used professionally. Elite athletes, surgeons, and pilots use controlled breathing to stay calm under pressure.

5. 5

   Encourage teens to practice breathing exercises when they’re calm, so they know what to do later.