Navigating Halloween Fears and Dilemmas

For many kids (and adults) Halloween is a fun, sugar-fueled holiday that inspires creativity and a little bit of mischief. Kids get to dress up in costumes and engage in pretend play, which encourages imagination. And trick-or-treating gently pushes children to build social skills as they ask neighbors for candy.

But Halloween can feel overwhelming for a lot of children, especially those with mental health or behavioral challenges. Young kids may have a hard time telling the difference between imaginary monsters and reality, while children with challenges like anxiety and autism may have underlying fears and struggles that are heightened during the holiday.

So, how can parents make sure their kids are able to enjoy Halloween without ending the night in tears or a meltdown?

Creepy Halloween décor like skeletons, ghosts, and graveyards can be scary, but particularly frightening for young children as well as kids with anxiety or other mental health issues. Your child may want to go trick-or-treating with friends, but they’re worried about their neighbors’ spooky decorations or whatever else might be lurking in the shadows at night, explains Kathryn L. Keough, PhD, a psychologist in the Anxiety Disorders Center.

“We want to follow a child’s lead,” she says. “It’s okay to say, ‘This is too scary for my child right now,’ and think about other ways to celebrate Halloween or have fun as a family.”

There are also ways to help kids prepare for some of the scares they might encounter. “That might look like taking a walk around the neighborhood where your child will be trick-or-treating — but in the daytime and without all the crowds, so that you can talk through and help your child figure out the difference between fantasy and reality,” says Dr. Keough. “For example, you can point out motion-activated animatronics to your kid and show them how they work, so it’s less scary when they encounter them at night.”

Something else you can do to prepare your kids for trick-or-treating, says Dr. Keough, is to listen to Halloween songs at home or watch Halloween-themed movies. “Try to get some gradual practice with the spooky themes or images of the holiday beforehand.”

Kids with social anxiety or autism often struggle with social interactions, whether it’s with people they know or strangers. They may be especially worried about knocking on doors and asking their neighbors for candy. It can be helpful to make a plan and break things down step by step, according to Dr. Keough.

“You might want to say something like, ‘Let’s say ‘Trick-or-treat’ and ‘Thank you’ together for the first five houses,’” she says. “This way, your child is able to build some confidence and momentum before being expected to walk up to someone’s house on their own and ring the doorbell.”

With a little prep, your kids can participate in the holiday fun and reap the benefits.

“Trick-or-treating can be a chance for kids to go out with friends and try out more independence than maybe they typically get in the neighborhood,” says Dr. Keough. “It’s a safe space for you to monitor them but loosen the reins a bit, allowing them to feel more autonomous and push themselves to be brave.”

She notes that this can look different based on the child’s age. It makes sense for parents to stay with very young kids every step of the way. But for kids who are a little bit older, you might walk a few steps behind them as they go from house to house or even let them go around the neighborhood independently and wait for them down the road.

Having periodic check-ins throughout the night can also ensure a successful trick-or-treating experience. “Make sure they’re still having fun,” says Dr. Keough. “They could be getting overwhelmed because their costume is feeling itchy, there’s so many people around, it’s loud, it’s getting darker, they’ve seen too many spooky costumes, and so on.”

She explains, “It’s much better to end on a more positive note, if possible, versus trying to push kids to finish out the whole neighborhood, for example.”

For a lot of kids, picking out costumes is a fun Halloween tradition. But for kids with sensory issues or autism, the wrong item of clothing — itchy fabric, a tight sleeve, a mask — can lead to a meltdown. Some parents, understandably, may have their child skip the costume altogether but feel apprehensive about how others will react to their child as they go from house to house.

According to Dr. Keough, there are different approaches parents can take to inform their neighbors of their child’s challenges. “Some families might send a little note in their neighbors’ mailboxes or make a post in their neighborhood Facebook group,” she explains. “It will have a picture of their kid and a quick intro to say, ‘This is my child. He’s excited to participate in Halloween. But because of his autism diagnosis, he isn’t able to wear a costume. We hope that you’ll understand and give him a piece of candy when he comes.’”

Kids can also carry around pumpkin baskets with the color that reflects their specific challenge. For instance, a blue pumpkin symbolizes autism or sensory processing issues.

For other kids, wearing a costume can be stressful for an entirely different reason. “Putting on a costume can be anxiety-provoking because of the attention it elicits,” Dr. Keough explains. “They may be thinking, ‘Are people going to ask me lots of questions about my costume or stare at me or laugh at me, or what if they think it’s weird?’ At times, kids will even worry that no one else is going to be wearing a costume, despite their parents’ reassurances.”

By putting on a costume and facing the situation, says Dr. Keough, they’ll be able to realize that none of their fears actually came true. “And even if people did notice their costume, they were able to handle it and answer questions.”

For young kids who do enjoy putting on costumes, playing dress up can offer a lot of developmental benefits. “Dressing up in costumes gives kids the chance to practice playing in a fantasy way, which helps them consider what other people are thinking,” says Dr. Keough. “And it helps them build their imagination, creativity, and flexibility. By acting as a character, they’re having to really pull from multiple different cognitive skills, social skills, and emotional skills to put themselves in the mindset of someone else.”

Collaborating on costumes with friends also provides kids with the chance to problem-solve. “I have many patients who are in the process of working together with their friends to come up with a group costume,” she describes. “So, they’re having to practice sharing ideas, resolving conflict or disagreement, and making compromises.”

We want our kids to enjoy these benefits, but it’s best not to push them to participate before they’re ready. Halloween is meant to be fun, says Dr. Keough, and “gradual exposure helps kids face their fears if it’s at a small level that they’re ready for, that they can handle, and with a lot of support throughout and coaching as needed from a parent or caregiver.”