Temperament, family and community all play a role
Clinical Experts: Nadine Kaslow, PhD , Ramon Burgos, MD
en EspañolSome people think that when teens talk about killing themselves, they just want attention, and they should be ignored. It’s not true. Any talk about suicide is something to take seriously.
Sadness, avoiding friends and family, anxiety and doing dangerous things are also signs a child might need help. So is talking about dying, even if you think they don’t mean it.
It’s impossible to predict whether a young person might become suicidal. But there are things that put them at a higher risk.
Recent or serious losses increase risk for suicide. Losses include death of a family member, friend or even pet. Other kinds of losses are risk factors too. Parents divorcing, loss of their home or a breakup are all risk factors.
Other risk factors are mental health problems like depression, anxiety and substance abuse. Past suicide attempts, a family history of suicide, or having a way to get a gun are big risks as well. If a kid is struggling with their sexual identity in a family or community that is not supportive, that can be a risk. So can bullying at any age for any reason. And if a kid doesn’t feel like they can rely on friends and family, that’s a problem too.
But there are also things in a teen’s life that may help protect them from suicide. For one thing, kids who feel loved and supported are less likely to think about suicide. That also goes for kids who are good problem solvers. Having access to good healthcare and mental health care is an important plus. And having parents who are willing to get help when their kid needs it is huge.
One of the myths about suicidal talk, and actual suicide attempts, in young people is that they are just a bid for attention or “a cry for help.” Kids who talk or write about killing themselves are dismissed as overly dramatic—obviously, they don’t mean it! But a threat of suicide should never be dismissed, even from a kid who cries “Wolf!” so many times it’s tempting to stop taking them seriously. It’s important to respond to threats and other warning signs in a serious and thoughtful manner. They don’t automatically mean that a child is going to attempt suicide. But it’s a chance you can’t take.
When thinking about this, it helps to understand what factors make a young person more or less likely to consider or attempt suicide. What do we know about young people who try to kill themselves or who actually die by suicide? Let’s take a look at both the risk factors—things that increase the likelihood that a child will engage in suicidal behavior—and the protective factors, or things that reduce the risk.
If a child has a lot of risk factors and hardly any protective factors you need to be extremely concerned about them. On the other hand, if they have a fair number of risk factors but a lot of protective factors you may be somewhat less concerned, although you still, of course, need to be concerned.
But what about protective factors, things that can mitigate the risk of engaging in suicidal behavior?
So what do you do if your child fits the profile of someone at risk for youth suicide? Warning signs of suicide to be alert to include changes in personality or behavior that might not be obviously related to suicide. When a teenager becomes sad, more withdrawn, more irritable, anxious, tired, or apathetic—things that used to be fun aren’t fun anymore—you should be concerned. Changes in sleep patterns or eating habits can also be red flags.
Acting erratically or recklessly is also a warning sign. If a teen starts making really poor judgments or they start doing things that are harmful to themself or other people, like bullying or fighting, it can be a sign that they are spinning out of control.
And, finally, if a child is talking about dying, you should always pay attention. “I wish I was dead.” “I just want to disappear.” “Maybe I should jump off that building.” “Maybe I should shoot myself.” “You’d all be better off if I wasn’t around.” When you hear this kind of talk, it’s important to take it seriously—even if you can’t imagine your child meaning it seriously.
What to do? The first thing to do is talk.
For more information and resources on suicide, see the APA’s suicide help page.
Important:
If you or someone you know needs help now, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
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